Splits Saga: Week 1

I’m pretty proud of myself this week. I achieved my goal of stretching three times and I even included some “bonus stretching” at my desk at work. Granted, it was only a minute or two of light stretching, but I did it several times throughout the day, most days. Wooo! Setting and achieving goals actually feels … good? Does this mean I should stop setting embarrassingly low expectations so that I’m never disappointed?

TOO REAL, MOVING ON.

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Can a 27-Year-Old Train Herself How to Do the Splits?

Experiment time! AKA summer is ending and I need an indoor hobby and I need more reasons to blog.

I’ve never been able to do the splits, unless that weird memory I have of doing the splits in tights in the hallway of my childhood home is real, but I’m pretty sure that is a tall tale that I tricked myself into being true.

In high school and college, I was so inflexible–

HOW INFLEXIBLE WERE YOU?!

I was so inflexible that I couldn’t even touch my toes! I don’t think I could even reach my ankles, honestly. I played sports and was fairly in shape, but my string bean body had the flexibility of my parents negotiating my curfew in high school. And by that, I mean NO FLEXIBILITY AT ALL! *teenage angst*

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IUD Update

I’ve had my IUD for almost two months and I have no complaints. Yes, there are drawbacks to it but that’s a granted with any form of birth control, amirite? Unless there is some secret BC that the government doesn’t want us to have because it has zero side effects and women would then be totally unstoppable and would take ovER THE WHOLE DAMN PLANET AND

I’m getting slightly off topic, and let me preface this post with a woman-bodily function alert (?) in that I’m going to talk about my vag and stuff that goes on in and around it. So, we cool? Cool.

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Stinky Face Stuff

was planning on watching “Total Divas” tonight and bringing back my weekly recap, but unfortunately you might actually need a subscription to the channel you’re planning on watching (not naming names … SAMMERZ).  So anyway, here I am watching season 1 of “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend” for the second time and doing my pre-bedtime routine.  Aaaand apparently blogging about it now, kewl.

Basically I just wanted to throw some hot tips out there that may or may not be beneficial to you, my dear reader, who may or may not be my only reader, who may or may not be my husband (thanks for the support, bby).

I’ve come across two simple, albeit stinky, face cleansers that are also all natural.  Yay!  And not like you get them in the natural section of the skin care aisle, but like, actually natural and organic.  Coconut oil and apple cider vinegar, y’all!

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Eye You Dee

Let’s talk about reproductive issuessssssss!

JK, let’s talk about me.  That’s what I’m good at.  I realized the other day that I think the most common word I use in my Tweets is “I”.  I mean, look at this paragraph.  I, I, I.  But whatever, it’s my blog so let’s talk about reproductive issues as they pertain to me.  Yay!

Yesterday I got an IUD.  That’s right, I’m jumping right into it.  I now have a little copper-wrapped T in my uterus which is 99% effective at keeping me baby free for the next 10 years.  I’ll hit the journalistic Ws (and the H!) to explain my experience.

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Vinsamity 2017

It’s hard to believe we’ve been married for two weeks already.  We spent almost two years planning our wedding, using almost every free moment to make favors or book vendors or stress about how much all this postage is costing us for invites, RSVPs, thank-you cards … those stamps add up!  #ThanksUSPS

But it was all worth it.  The day came together better than we could’ve ever imagined, and everyone there had the time of their lives (I’m not even going to try to be modest, our wedding ruled).  A lot of that had to do with our guests, AKA da lyfe of da partee AKA the life of the party.  I can’t stop looking at everyone’s pictures and videos and reliving that day in my head, and it makes me incredibly happy to know that we were able to all come together and have a great time.  (We even had our own Snapchat filter ~so fancy~)  Continue reading “Vinsamity 2017”

Christmas is the Time to Say I Love You

Yay Christmastime!  Even though it’s over *sad face*

Christmas has and always will be my favorite time of year.  I’m not sure why; it could be the gifts, it could be the lights, it could be the only thing that makes winter bearable, but this post isn’t about that.  Instead, it’s about one of my favorite activities to do during the Christmas Season.

CHRISTKINDLMARKET!

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We Saw Guns N’ Roses! (two months ago)

I’m not even going to validate my laziness by addressing the fact that it took over two months to get started on this easy post.  I blame it on … my laziness.

Chicago.  July.  Stupid Soldier Field.  The sun had set over the vast wastewater dump they call Lake Michigan.  It was night two of a two-night stand for GnR at Soldier Field.  It wasn’t a sold-out show but there were plenty of middle-aged, living-in-the-past fans to crowd every merchandise stand, which was well stocked with foam middle fingers (still mad I didn’t buy one).

And then there were people like us.  COOL people.  We grappled through the long lines at the merch stands, bathrooms, and beer vendors and made it to our seats.  Side note: Soldier Field needs more of all the above; also another exit or two would be great.

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Kayaks and Wrestling: My Life is Cool

Summer in the midwest is difficult.  There’s an incredible amount of pressure to enjoy the outdoors and the events and activities while the nice weather is here, yet you are coated in sweat and mosquitoes the second you walk out the door.  But I’m just a complainer and I’ll take this weather any day over the sub-zero bullshit that will be here in six months.  Basically I’m trying to justify that I’m writing this post almost two months after I participated in the activities this post describes.  Whatever, I’ve been busy watching Lady Dynamite, k?

Earlier this summer, Vintown and I rented kayaks from Milwaukee Kayak Company and meandered up the Milwaukee River eventually ending up at Lakefront Brewery.  Sure, sure – we had seen all these sights before, but not from this view.  Being in the kayak was a tad nerve-wracking; I mean, who wants to have their body that close to any river in Milwaukee?  Insert gross-face emoji here, please.

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