Total Teaserz and Why My Love for Total Divas is Totally Rational

OMG ya’ll – Total Divas returns in March!  Raise yo hand if you can’t wait for these sassy sexcakes to return to your television screen.

(I’d raise my hand but it’s too difficult to type with just one hand.)

For those of you that didn’t raise your hand, hear me out.  Don’t give me any BS about how you don’t like drama and you don’t want to support these “trashy” ladies by watching their show.  Uhh do you watch any TV?  It’s all drama, even the news (insert conspiracy theory here about how the media distorts the news for us laypeople).  At least with the Divas, you’ll know what you’re watching is real.  Well, besides their boobs and hair.

This break between seasons has been rough.  It’s not like we can keep up with the Divas because they’re on two other weekly shows or because they post every detail about their lives on their Instagram accounts.  So yes, this season premier is much anticipated and I CANNOT wait to see what the Divas have been up to.  This teaser makes the season look oh-so promising.

First off, Brie Bella trying on wedding dresses.  We all knew this was coming, so no real surprise there, but can we address her engagement photos with her fiance and fellow WWE wrestler Daniel Bryan?  Is it weird that I really dig these?  #dontjudge

Such suspenders
Such suspenders
Very drama
Very drama

Next up, Brie’s twin Nikki Bella, who also dates a WWE superstar.  But not just any superstar; I’m talking about John freakin’ Cena.  “OMG really, John Cena?!”  Yes, John Cena, the Eminem-wannabe wrestler whose wrestling outfits often consist of jean or khaki shorts, and real-life outfits aren’t much better.

At least the fish look cool.
At least the fish look cool.

Anyway, we see John and Nikki meeting up in the teaser.  Last season left us with a cliffhanger on their relationship.  While Nikki wants to eventually get married and have kids, John Cena is not, I repeat NOT ever getting married again.  I mean, dude made Nikkie sign a cohabitation agreement when she moved into his house.  Talk about control freak.

While this teaser may leader viewers to think John’s icy heart has finally melted and the two are going to get engaged, I think it is just the opposite.  Based off Nikki’s Instagram account alone, it’s easy to tell that something has been missing from her posts the past few weeks.

Um. Dafuq.
Um. Dafuq.
Exclusive rumor: Nikki Bella dating Big Show!
Exclusive rumor: Nikki Bella dating Big Show!

Meanwhile, John Cena was on Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen (wait, what?), and stated that “he ‘wants to be’ dating Nikki and that he’s in love with her, but that he has some issues to work out.”  SO MUCH DRAMA ALREADY AND TOTAL DIVAS HASN’T EVEN PREMIERED YET.

What could possibly add to this drama?  Oh hello, new Diva!  Looks like JoJo has gone #byebye (cue Ariane’s single Bye Bye, even though it still hasn’t been released) and the divalicious Summer Rae has taken her place.  As you may or may not know, Summer Rae is Fandango’s lady partner wrestler person whatever you call it.  Hopefully this means more Fandango action in Season 2, because I don’t think I would survive without him after his fantastico appearances during Season 1.  As we can see in the trailer, Summer Rae lives up to her “devil in a blue dress” reputation when she bitch slaps, and I mean BITCH SLAPS, Natalya.

 

Now I can see why they replaced JoJo; all that girl did was show off her awesome hair and date anyone and everyone who was at least 10 years her senior. (Minus the boyfriend she had in the beginning from her hometown.  I never thought anyone could be super awkward and a major toolbag at the same time.)

The addition of Summer Rae does beg the question as to whether Eva Marie will get jealous or not.  Let’s not forget the wonderful moment when she auditioned to be Fandango’s dancing/wrestling partner.

Even if you don’t like wrestling, you can’t deny that these ladies are HILARIOUS, and they aren’t even trying to be most of the time.  Here’s to another saucy season!

Don’t forget to check out a weekly episode recap at OleWrestling.com.