Wrestlemania Weekend Recap: Whatever Fatass

Well, we did it.  Boyfriend and I saved up for over 9 months and went to New Orleans this past weekend.  But we didn’t just go to New Orleans.  We went for the ultimate of wrestling events: Wrestlemania.

Now before you pass judgment on me for going to a city just to see half-naked men wrestle each other, let me remind you that it’s New Orleans.  There would’ve been half-naked men wrestling each other even if WWE wasn’t in town.

Anyway, what can I say about this trip?!  To sum it up in one word: amazeballs.  Wait, no: drunkfest.  Or maybe adventuretown?  Gah.  Okay, summing it up in one word is impossible, so I will ramble on about our adventure.

First of all, New Orleans is so fetch. #GretchenWieners  Not only are the buildings beautiful and the scenery amazing (minus the homeless people living under freeway bridges), but you can drink in the street!  You can buy a drink at a bar, ask for a to-go cup, and take it with you in the street.  And some bars are even open and serving 24 hours a day.  MIND BLOWN.  This may not be news to some people, but coming from the drunkest state in the country where we are NOT allowed to take drinks in the street nor buy alcohol 24 hours a day, this was a huge perk to me.  I mean, check me owt – street drinker!

Street drinker #stunna

The hotels and places to stay are also unique.  Both the places we stayed were comprised of several buildings with courtyards scattered throughout.  I highly recommend the Olde Town Inn, if you’re into getting away from touristy things and being in a more local area.  The building was super old and our room was furnished with old furniture and the bathroom was … interesting.  It had a door and walls and everything, but the walls didn’t extend all the way up to the ceiling, which added to our adventure I guess?  All the employees were characters, including the guest who decided to be an employee and make waffles for everyone at the continental breakfast.  There’s also a po’ boy place right down the street, which I don’t think boyfriend and I were extremely welcome at, but the food was greasy and delicious (hollah for a free drink with every po’ boy!).  There is a bar right on the corner too with an eclectic staff as well, along with these gems.


Our bartender was a hilarious southern gent who told us about the gay bar that’s right across the street.  He described it as “dark with only two lightbulbs, but stay near the light.  Weird things go on in the corner.”  Umm.  He also said that if boyfriend and I tried to go there, boyfriend would “be in trouble” and I “would be turned away at the door.”  Is it weird that I wanted to go there even more after hearing that?

But let’s get to the point of why we went: Wrestlemania.  And let’s be real, most wrestling fans are annoying as shit.  From the plane, to every restaurant, to Bourbon Street, wrestling fans were EVERYWHERE, all spewing their conspiracy theories and shitty photos on their Nokia phone of their favorite wrestler.  Grown men carrying title belts around and heartily debating what was going to happen/what had happened/which of them were still virgins.  We went to Bourbon Street the night before Wrestlemania, and the whole street was constantly chanting “YES YES YES” or “we are awesome!” (no you’re not).  Thankfully Bourbon Street is practically made of alcohol, which definitely eased the pain.  That and our hip feather boas that everyone was super jealous of, besides the girl we tried to convince to make out with our Canadian friend.  Let’s just say that situation ended up with us almost getting kicked out of a bar.  #WhateverFatass

Bourbon Street. #NotDead

We are the real Americans

Before Wrestlemania, we went to Axxess, which is where you can meet wrestlers, get autographs, and do other fun activities.  Basically it’s Chuck E. Cheese’s for wrestling fans SO OF COURSE WE WENT TO IT.  And if ya’ll didn’t know, I am mildly obsessed with E!’s Total Divas, so obviously we waited in line to get our picture with some Divas.  Check it:

Summer Rae: "I don't get those shirts..."
Summer Rae: “I don’t get those shirts…”

The other lines were way too long for our patience levels, so we went through Undertaker’s Graveyard, ate sodium-laden nachos, and made fun of other people who were there, among other things.  Make fun of me all you want, but it was pretty awesome.

Then it was time for Wrestlemania itself.  The Superdome is cool and all, but holy shit get some wider hallways.  Not only did we stand in line for 40 minutes outside trying to get in, but we also spent a good half hour STUCK in the halls.  Literally, people everywhere, one good shove or snarky comment away from a riot.  Thankfully we got to our seats safely and I have never seen a live wrestling event like this.  Over 70,000 people all cheering and chanting; it was like the best cult ever except you don’t have to commit suicide at the end of it.  My heart died when the Undertaker lost (seriously, worst day ever) but was brought back to life when Daniel Bryan won (Braniel 4evah).  It was an emotional rollercoaster and I can only imagine the current breakout on my face is due to the stress I experienced during the show.

Legit almost got mob crushed on our way in but we made it. #whateverfatass

The next night, we went to Raw which was eh compared to Wrestlemania, I think because our seats were much higher up and I can’t really remember it due to the number of drinks I had before the show.  Also I might’ve been in a food coma from eating at The Joint, which is in a semi-sketchy part of town but totally worth it, for realz.

We had to head back to reality the next day and bid farewell to NOLA.  I will never forget this vacation and I am already missing the creole food along with the overly sweet and boozy hurricanes.  Hell, I even miss waffle guy (not really).

All I can say is if you ever get the chance to go to New Orleans, GO.  Unless you are diabetic and/or a recovering alcoholic.