Sarcasm: Making Valentine’s Day Easier Since 2014

Is it just me or is 2014 the year of the sassy Valentine?  I feel like every time I open Facebook or Tumblr, there’s another slew of lolztastic cards to share with your loved ones.  There are multiple blog posts dedicated to said cards (you’re reading one right now, dontcha know!) and even a Sassy Valentines blog on Tumblr.  Don’t get me wrong, most of these are pretty great, but it’s one of those things where the cool factor is taken away after your middle-aged coworkers start posting them, ya know?

But whatevz.  Let’s pay tribute to some of our favorite picks for V-day, shall we? (Click each pic for more info.)

  1. Of course I have to throw one out for the sassiest gal around, Tina Belcher from Bob’s Burgers.  There really isn’t much more I need to say, besides that there are plenty of Tina cards to choose from this February 14.  Seriously, just Google “Tina Belcher Valentines.”  You will not be disappointed.
  2. Let’s admit it: love is just weird, and it’s even weirder when we have to profess our feelings of love to someone else.  Unless you are someone who’s like, okay with their feelings or something.  #weirdo  So really, there’s nothing better than a Valentine that’s upfront about the whole vulnerability/love/weird feelings issue.
  3. By now you’re probably wondering how I made it to my third bullet point and I haven’t even mentioned Etsy yet.  Etsy is only the go-to online shop for everything unique and hip, amiright?!  Don’t fret, these next few bullet points will pay homage to the treasure chest that is Etsy.  For realz, check out this card.  Hall and Oates trump everything.  EVERYTHING.hall
  4. Putting the word “turd” at the end of anything makes it awesome.turd
  5. Making your Valentine think you hate them is hilarious.mean
  6. Hands down best Valentine
  7. Because this is the definition of love…unless you both hate each other.  Then that’s probably not love.  The hashtag on this Valentine also makes it perfect to send to your Twitter boyfriend.hate
  8. GOLDEN GIRLS WAS/IS THE BEST TELEVISION SHOW.  Don’t even try to fight me on this.  Side note: apparently “Golden Girls Valentine” is the name of a porn or something.  I wouldn’t recommend searching that phrase while at vday
  9. These last two aren’t technically Valentines, yet they are a staple of February 14.  And let’s be real: these conversation hearts are way more accurate than the ones we grew up with.


convo2There are literally tons more Valentines you can choose from.  But really, don’t worry if you can’t find one that’s just right.  Valentine’s Day is overrated anyway.