I’m not even going to validate my laziness by addressing the fact that it took over two months to get started on this easy post. I blame it on … my laziness.
Chicago. July. Stupid Soldier Field. The sun had set over the vast wastewater dump they call Lake Michigan. It was night two of a two-night stand for GnR at Soldier Field. It wasn’t a sold-out show but there were plenty of middle-aged, living-in-the-past fans to crowd every merchandise stand, which was well stocked with foam middle fingers (still mad I didn’t buy one).
And then there were people like us. COOL people. We grappled through the long lines at the merch stands, bathrooms, and beer vendors and made it to our seats. Side note: Soldier Field needs more of all the above; also another exit or two would be great.
I’m not going to talk about the opener because I wouldn’t do them justice, and I wasn’t paying much attention to them.
Cut to the main event (not talking about the burger we got from DMK) and out comes Axl, Slash, and the other dudes/members of the band. YOU’RE RIGHT I’M NOT A GNR EXPERT, OKAY?!
We’ve all heard about #FatAxl and how he tries to get Google to take his photos down, but he really isn’t all that chubs. If I were him, I would be more concerned with my thinning locks of luscious (gross) red hair and my swollen face that looks like I’m retaining ALL THE WATER. But for real, he doesn’t look nearly as bad as you think a dude who’s petitioning Google should look. Get some self confidence, mang!
Let’s talk about the real star [of my heart (again not talking about the burger)]: SLASH. Classic, sleeveless, fro’d-out Slash slingin’ his guitar all over the stage and strumming my heart strings. HARD. In a classic Sammerz move, I fashioned my outfit in an homage to my favorite band member, and that lucky dude was Slash. Plus I’ll take any excuse to wear a top hat.
The music was great, no lie. Based off what I remember, anyway. Soldier Field may not have the cheapest beers, but that didn’t stop me from downing a lot of them (right after I finished my burger). They played the GnR songs you want to hear if you’re a fairweather fan like me. And it fully satisfied my Appetite for Destruction. WHOOOOOOO!