IUD Update

I’ve had my IUD for almost two months and I have no complaints. Yes, there are drawbacks to it but that’s a granted with any form of birth control, amirite? Unless there is some secret BC that the government doesn’t want us to have because it has zero side effects and women would then be totally unstoppable and would take ovER THE WHOLE DAMN PLANET AND

I’m getting slightly off topic, and let me preface this post with a woman-bodily function alert (?) in that I’m going to talk about my vag and stuff that goes on in and around it. So, we cool? Cool.

I went in for my string checkup exactly four weeks after my insertion date. Aaaand that sentence makes absolutely no sense to anyone who voted for TrummmWOAH SAMMERZ WHAT IS UP WITH THE POLITICS IN THIS POST YOU ARE JUST A WOMAN SHUT YO MOUTH.

Anyway, the string checkup was kind of lame and I feel like just so the doctor can charge me/my insurance more money. I was there for like five minutes just so my doctor could take a peek inside of me and tell me everything was still in its place. Part of me feels like I would’ve known if something was out of place because a t-shape piece of copper would be poking me internally, but what do I know?

So, hooray that everything was in its place, but I thought it was kind of weird that it was a whole month later and I still hadn’t gotten my next period. I thought I had some signs of PMS, but it turns out I just really like chocolate and being bloated. My doctor made a comment too that “well, it should be coming soon” but let me on my way.

OH! Side note: the doctor’s office had me down as a pregnancy patient. I thought it was weird when people kept asking me to pee in a cup and if I was able to give a urine sample and every time I responded with a look like dafuq? The receptionist finally asked “you’re here for a pregnancy check, right? So you know where the special bathroom is and your doctor will want a sample and…” and that’s where I cut her off and told her “hell no.” And that I was there for pretty much the exact opposite reason. Then I got to do the same routine with the nurse. DUDES. No babies, please. Hence the copper in my uterus.

Back to my riveting story. I left the doctor and anxiously awaited for my special monthly gift to arrive and holy shit did it arrive. The first day: not bad. Cramps, blood, you know the drill. Second day: WTF IS HAPPENING. Cramps worse but bearable, but the flow was … just that – a flow. An unstoppable flow. And beyond bloated. Lucky for me, I wore my tightest jeans and also a tight shirt so I was completely comfortable at work *sarcasm*. ┬áLucky for me (for real this time), it was Friday so I was able to sleep in the next day and the day after that too. And then it was pretty much done. #womanhood

Beside that bloody second day, it wasn’t as bad as I was expecting. Granted, I say that now and will probably be kicking myself when Mother Nature visits me again. Bringeth me all the tampons!